Not sure how it happened
whether it was gradual
I wish I could remember
the moment it all changed –
when my voice no longer matched
the person that I am.
it hurt to speak –
not only physically,
It has been a painful five years.
Do you know what it is like
to hate the sound of your own voice?
To feel the inward disdain
To see the expressions of others change
when you dare to speak?
To bravely express yourself despite it all
and then to feel the pain of faulty speech patterns?
It has a way of shutting a person up,
holding you back.
But now I have hope again,
hope of a voice that sings effortlessly,
a voice that is a joy to listen to,
lilting and silky,
warm and welcoming –
powerful in its message and impact,
comforting and present.
I have hope of healing
of who I am and how I sound.
I have all this love in my heart
and a soul that needs expression.
Now that I am getting real help with my voice problem,
my whole life is opening up
to what I can be and do
as a beneficial presence for others.
Let the healing commence.
I am in!
Copyright © @ Cynthia Cady Stanton, 2017
The way it feels
when I dare to step away from patterns
long held onto
with a tight knuckle grip
as a way to hold me up,
glue me together.
The look in your eyes
when I am really paying attention,
allowing my heart to open to you.
The soaring freedom that sends me
to new depths and heights
all at the same time
when I get out of my own way.
How pain disappears
when my attention turns in a divine direction
instead of towards my navel,
so clogged with repetitive angst.
How a long walk by the sea washes me
of all the garbage
I have allowed to enter my soul –
a baptism of surf and sound,
wind and grace.
The thunder of the surf rocking me,
holding me with an eternal embrace.
Oh, how healing that is!
How the voice of a great singer
sends my spirit soaring
and beckons me to use my voice
with full expression and power,
and healing me from the multitude of ways
I have held it back.
How Love is present,
when I am present
whether with the dying,
or my cat.
Turning away from the moment
robs us –
of God’s company.
Waking up is a beautiful thing –
a peeling of the layers –
that so strangle and constrict.
We think these layers are important
but they are all false construction.
I love the release as they fall away
allowing a deeper joy
to be found.
I am noticing
my eyes with inspired vision,
my heart with a tender softening.
Both are wrapped up in deep peace.
Copyright © Cynthia Cady Stanton 2017
The pull of patterns weighs me down
and sucks me in
to that space that agitates
and darkens the room
keeping me from the lightness
that beckons deeply.
Even with you,
though I longed to be next to you
after seasons apart,
what is new and better and different
struggles to shine.
We settle for old and familiar,
set long ago.
I want you to know me.
Not the me you think you know,
but the evolving me
that dares to bloom
even at my age,
when most settle for being set.
I am a dynamic canvas.
Copyright © 2017 Cynthia Cady Stanton