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A Deeper Listening

January 16, 2022January 16, 2022 becomingandbeholding1 Comment

As a baby poet,

and a lover of writing,

the words that arrive

seemed to flow effortlessly

for a time.

When I dared to take those

first steps

that one day in a coffee shop,

and my love – after reading the results –

and to my surprise –

proclaimed me a poet,

I blossomed so fully

and beautifully

into joy and purpose.

I shined from the inside out,

blessed by having been seen.

This is what happens

when one is in the flow,

the wellsprings of artful expression.

But lately,

I find myself in the driest season of all.

This dehydration and loss of the words

has begun to hurt.

I feel it in the tightness of my voice –

a constipation in manifestation…

of engagement in my gifts.

So where did those waters of life go?

There is still a heart in me

that longs to speak.

There is still a soul

that seeks to inspire.

There is still a desire

to connect artfully

and with meaningful impact –

not out of a need for praise,

but of a soul-drive to be helpful –

to connect to our common humanity.

But here I am.

Thirsty for the words

and waiting to be quenched

by the flow

which glows through me.

It has been a season

of healing and grief for me.

There has been a deep dive

into all the embodied pain

I have been carrying –

lugging around through life

unwittingly.

The drag of it all

has finally caught up with me.

I have been brought to my knees

to find a profound humility.

Now that I am getting back on my feet again,

and on sacred ground,

feeling healed and graced

with a deeper listening to life,

I sense the presence of inspiration again.

She whispers softly,

but with an urgency

that deepens my attention.

So the words are starting to spring forth gently.

I know I must share them –

for I know they are needed

for the many who thirst longingly

just like me.

My heart begins to pour them out

as I enter the flow

once again.

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Beyond Solitude

November 6, 2021 becomingandbeholding3 Comments

When the chill of being alone

is knitted to the bone,

I long for you,

my friend.

It is too easy to feel capable

of navigating this life

in a solitary way –

to convince myself that

all is well,

and I am fine –

strong and muscled

in all the right places.

But as my bones begin to creak and groan,

and my sturdy stride weakens,

I feel my empty hand hungry

for your grasp.

Life does not want us to be alone.

And now as I sit

in the cold and dark,

the chill in my heart whispers,

“You need someone next to you to

warm this bleak contraction –

for there is no valor in enduring isolation.”

I sigh the kind of sigh that has the breath of the ocean within it…

and realize my need of a companion-

Being competent is not enough anymore,

and does not warm the soul

like a shared laughable moment would.

It’s friends who bring the warmth

with the their love and care,

and also the light which

illuminates and heals.

A good friend walks side by side with you –

a better friend helps you see more

along the way…

They provide the mirror you need

for your own evolution.

And so, the time for reaching out is here.

The confining walls fall away –

and this pressing question reaches my lips:

Where are you?

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Just Me, the Stars, and Hope

October 10, 2021October 10, 2021 becomingandbeholding10 Comments

I like to get up before the sun does.

It is a kind of race

to greet the day first, for

being alone in the stillness of the morning

fuels me.

When I walk in the quiet

of my slumbering neighborhood,

and I can look up at the moon

and the stars,

and feel the crisp morning air

on my sleepy skin,

I am like a wakening flower bud.

I open to the promise

of a new day –

of being in fresh light.

I am a rare creature, I know.

Few would take the covers off so early

to brave the chill.

But me? I just get some coffee in me,

bundle up, and go.

It is the most liberating time of my day –

for yesterday has been filed away…

and it is just me, the stars,

and hope.

So, I lift up my voice

and sing, joining the bird chorus

as the glow begins to dawn.

This is what morning energy does for me.

I move forward through the dark and

rise with the sun.

It is a kind of practice, you see.

If I can dance my way through the dark

feeling safe and happy,

then I have mastered the power

of self-transcendence.

I have learned to let go,

and relax into the flow of life.

It is a kind of cleanse

that reminds me that I am actually

free to be –

and no loss or regret

can keep me under the covers

for very long.

Walk on, walk on, with hope in your heart, and you will never walk alone.
Gerry and the Pacemakers

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Out of the Weeds

September 18, 2021 becomingandbeholding1 Comment

Photo by **Vitaliy Mitrofanenko** from **Pexels**

You would think

that by the time we reach maturity,

we would know how

to make the way clear

for ourselves…

And yet,

the patterns continue –

the ones that

face-plant us amidst

the tangle around us.

Those frustrating weeds

of all we hang onto

have pinned us down

and left us feeling powerless.

We still have those times when

we forget how to breathe

and Life itself

needs to breathe for us –

teaching the way from

gasps to sighs to

calming deep breaths.

Eventually, with this fortified

and nurturing air,

we become strong enough,

to be receptive to our own truth.

We are ready to

trust our own insights –

and we can stand free

amidst the tangle

before us..

We understand that

Weeds are just flowers

with an angry history –

and compassion finds us.

Only then can we be

safe and whole even

amidst the weeds.

So, when on the ground,

look up –

examine what has been planted..

Drop the fear of harm

and tripping.

Really see the beauty before you.

Each bud and leaf

represents a lesson gained.

Know that the weeds with the thickest stems

and biggest thorns

have been planted by you

and you alone.

Those are the most stubborn

to pull from the ground –

for their roots are hardened

and run deep.

They require more focus

and strength.

Honor them all.

Once truly witnessed,

these trip wires

have fulfilled their purpose

and the way is made clear.

Do you understand?

Love the weeds.

Elevate each one of them,

giving thanks for their wisdom bestowed.

Wake up to the ways

you have cluttered your own path.

Please don’t despair –

for everyone has weeds on their trail.

The way to freedom

is born in taking responsibility…

elevating the pain we have been feeling,

bowing to it,

and setting it free.

You do not need it anymore

for you have arisen from the rubble

healed.

We can clear our own path

if we are brave enough

to nurse the skinned knees and

to cry its tears.

So, pull each weed

and lift it up to the bright blue sky.

You have found your way through.

You can now move forward

and live in joy.

You can be a blessing for the world.

I’m walking uphill, both ways it hurts. I bury my heart here in this dirt. I hope it’s a seed, I hope it works. I need to grow, here I could be. Closer to light, closer to me. Don’t have to do this perfectly. Have I the courage to change?
“Courage” – a song by Pink

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On The Rocks

July 31, 2021August 1, 2021 becomingandbeholding1 Comment

Each step forward seems a challenge…

There are rocks to dodge

and some of them with sharp edges.

Sometimes there is a soft landing

and the sweetness

of toes and heals being held.

This sweetness,

this softness,

lands right into my heart.

But going forward still

feels a chancy endeavor

as painful steps

cause careful navigation.

So I am on alert.

I watch intently for danger.

I don’t want to be wounded.

It is not a relaxing walk.

So the tension builds

in my anticipation of pain.

It kind of takes the joy away

of a walk on the beach.

I notice this –

and I bow to the awareness sparking.

And I stop.

I don’t want to proceed in the usual way.

I take a moment

to breathe in the surf spray.

I attend to the flow of the waves.

They are so peaceful

and effortless –

beautiful, really.

The music of it all

reaches the inner spaces in me –

the ones that need soothing.

I realize that

I need not take a painful path.

I can swim instead.

It has been a long time

since enjoying the grace and baptism

of cool water in the sunshine –

of surrendering to a larger support.

Walking on the rocks alone

is no longer the journey.

I choose to float instead

and learn the art and gift

of buoyancy.

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The Small Things

June 3, 2021June 3, 2021 becomingandbeholding4 Comments

I left it in my sock drawer,

that token so lovingly given.

But the orphaned socks,

with a need to belong to something,

must have swallowed it up.

It was a beautiful item,

glistening with light and color,

and radiating love.

I am annoyed with myself because

this item mattered,

which I now realize –

after it is gone.

Once again, the lesson

is clear –

I forget to honor the little things –

the tiny details

which easily slip from view

and need attending.

Are you the same?

You know what I mean…

A tiny gesture, a soft whisper,

the fact that

someone else did the dishes,

for instance,

granting you a moment

to rest or

create something beautiful –

like a poem.

These are the precious gems.

Each time I press forward

oblivious to the little things,

I promise to be better.

I understand now

the value of attention –

the kind which pauses long enough

to take in the goodness

around me –

and then feel it

in my body

and heart.

My usual way is to push forward

into the next task

or event.

I am

like a horse

with blinders on,

trying to win

an imagined race.

I may get there quicker

but I am blind to the life

and blessings

freely given

along the way.

So I pause on purpose

this time.

I open my eyes.

I begin to gather up

the moments and memories,

and peruse the old photos

in my mind

of all the big and small moments,

forgotten.

I see how life has changed me

in a million tiny ways.

I bow to the growth given.

This is how

I learn to cherish

all the small things.

It is kind of embarrassing

that I have to keep

re-learning this.

But it is okay.

The fact that I care to learn

means my heart is opening

and a deeper peace

and grace

is on the way.

In fact,

it is already

here –

in one tiny flash

of realization.

Now the way forward

is simple:

Be a beholder:

for the secret

is in the small things.

The breeze at dawn has secrets to tell you. Don’t go back to sleep.
Rumi

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Germinating

May 12, 2021 becomingandbeholding3 Comments

The well has run dry –

or so it seems.

Life has been wordless

in this season.

There is something churning within

which stalls the poetry.

Whatever it is feels

essential and mysterious.

What I do know is that

I have no patience for simple

right now.

I cannot bear

any glossing over,

or easy finishes.

The necessary dredging

and stages must happen.

I seem to be germinating,

and it isn’t a comfortable process.

What is on the other side

of this hushed season?

It is hard to allow for change –

I don’t much like it.

I like my usual grooves

which are predictable

and comfortable.

But I don’t get anywhere new

when I am in them.

I don’t live free.

Perhaps this is what

it feels like

to be tight in the shell,

or trapped under hardened ground,

heavy in its lack of nourishment.

I long to transcend to

a new place –

a place where I have the freedom

to be me,

to speak the words

which bring the light with them.

Realizing what is true

and where wisdom resides,

I begin to see that

I am but a tiny green shoot

about to burst through.

It may feel a challenge

at the start,

but there is the promise

of a stunning bloom.

I hold onto that

and am reassured.

And then the day can when the risk to remain tight in the buds more painful than the risk it took to blossom.
Anais Nin

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Work of Heart

March 24, 2021 becomingandbeholding2 Comments

Don’t be so exhausted

by the project

of being you.

We are not designed

to be so tired.

You already know this to be true.

Witness the ease

of a blooming flower.

It just does beautifully

what it is meant to do.

Feel the peace that comes

when you walk along a shoreline.

It makes you feel at home.

This peace is available

within you.

Notice the presence in the eyes

of your beloved pet –

you are looking at a teacher

and the lesson is Love.

We belong to this ease,

this peace,

this way of being.

It is not supposed to be

hard work to be here.

So relax.

Allow Life to breathe through you.

Life lives through us.

There is nothing to figure out

or improve.

Simply pay attention,

look within,

and feel it.

All is well.

This is so simple

yet we make it so hard.

We tend to choose our own way,

so we struggle.

We don’t have to.

Our bodies know we belong. Its our thoughts that make us homeless.
John O’Donahue

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A New Day Dawns

January 20, 2021January 20, 2021 becomingandbeholding15 Comments

The glimmers of light

are blooming.

The warmth of healing

is touching my skin.

A new day is dawning

for all to see.

A new day is dawning

for all to heal.

This is a time

to open our hearts,

to allow the pain

to be mended.

Let our hearts be glad

as we reach for each other.

Let our voices sing out

in joy.

The light is here!

I feel its beam

arising within me.

The time has come to dance and heal.❤️

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On The Horizon

December 24, 2020December 24, 2020 becomingandbeholding10 Comments

There are times in life

when it feels as if

the horizon is all you have.

You want to be lifted

from your current shoreline

which has become rocky

and hard to navigate.

You have been in a season of loss

and your heart is wounded –

too much has changed for you.

In these times,

though the sea spray is still available

to refresh you,

and the music of the sea

still sings to you,

all you can see is the horizon.

Its beauty and hope

calls to your soul.

Its light reflects a joy

you long to feel again.

Its colors bless you with

the beauty of hope bestowed.

So, though your feet are torn

from the sharp edges

you have endured this season,

the horizon remains.

And as you take in its expanse of light,

your feet begin to find

the softer sand

to cradle your toes in warmth.

You remember you belong, after all.

You have found the gift of peace.