Count It All Joy

February 7, 2018February 19, 2018 becomingandbeholding10 Comments

He laid in his hospital bed

set up next to his wife’s bed –

his hands contracted

and useless,

his body dependent

on the help of others –

just to move at all,

or eat, or even

brush his teeth.

This bed has been his dwelling place

for over five years,

his disease shrinking and stiffening his body,

rendering his muscles

unworkable –

keeping him confined,

and stuck.

He is one of my favorite patients.

His eyes always sparkle,

his mind is unfailingly engaged,

his words ever generous.

“I am a lucky guy.”

This is the song he sings

no matter what pain may be present

or loss on the forefront.

“I have no complaints.”

Before him,

on his bookcase,

are about 50 journal books

he has filled

with reflections and illustrations

of his weekly walks in the woods

as he observed and gloried

in the wonders of nature.

“Nature used to be my religion.

And then I found God.”

This was life pre-diagnosis.

When I look at him,

a prisoner in his bed and so small,

I am grateful

he had a former life

of movement and joy

in Nature and beyond this room.

“I am a lucky guy,”

he states again and again,

and I marvel at

how he glows.

He has an understanding

that I hope is within reach for me.

He knows

that everyone has “something”

and this is his.

“The way I figure it,” he states,

“God put me here for a reason.

And when anyone comes to see me,

I hope I can be a light for them.

I hope I can make them happy.”

He radiates

effortlessly and profoundly

and I cannot help

but be changed.

He shows me the way

to what is real.

I begin to understand

the gift of joy

in all circumstances

and the suffering that comes

with resisting

what lies before us.

As I say goodbye,

He says,

“I hope I will see you again.”

I smile.

Oh, you will.

You will.

Bit by Bit

February 3, 2018February 3, 2018 becomingandbeholding2 Comments

Her vision widens a bit

this time

as she enters her day

in the same old way.

Perhaps something new will dawn.

His heart dares to stretch

and open a bit wider.

A new kind of surrender

peeks through the song of pain

on constant rewind.

Life itself can open us

to what is real and true,

if allowed.

We discover this

when we trust enough

to peek

from under the many covers

we have pulled over our head.

With each new glimpse,

we allow the Creator

to fashion us more artfully

beyond the many ways

we have allowed our clay

to harden.

Soften or harden?

Open or close?

Yield or tighten the grip?

Ignore or listen?

These are the daily choices

in finding the path

to Grace.

Pay attention.

Poem · Poetry

Talking to Pain

January 24, 2018January 26, 2018 becomingandbeholding4 Comments

I have become too familiar

with your presence.

It is as if you belong to me

and I am stuck with you.

But my soul calls out

in gentle whispers

and questions that lie.

I am separate from you.

You hang around

as a distraction and a restraint

which holds me back.

When you show up,

you have my full attention.

I am lost.

But as I grow,

I now realize the Truth

that you and I? Well,

we are not friends.

I do not need you anymore.

And yet, you do have a role

as a Teacher and a tool

to remind me to get Present.

I shake you off like a bad dream

and begin to question you.

What are you trying to tell me?

Now when you show up

I pause and breathe

and get interested in my thoughts.

My mind becomes a classroom

with you as

the unpopular teacher

who forces me to blossom.

I begin to listen to you

and turn my attention

to the Truth of

who I am.

Everything opens up

and I am free.

Poem · Poetry

Impending Storm

January 3, 2018January 4, 2018 becomingandbeholding3 Comments

A cloud of geese fly

overhead and in circles

and it mirrors

the dis-ease inside of me

as I wait.

I know it is coming –

the discomfort and pain,

the lack of ease.

The impact.

The busyness of preparations

somehow comforts.

But the inside grip

tightens.

Some people enjoy

a storm.

Its drama enlivens.

I am learning to be

separate from it.

So I imagine

that I am the sky.

I expand to embrace

and observe…

the storm happens

but I am separate from it.

This way,

storms can be more

a wonder to behold

and I am not in them.

I am in

but not of

the weather.

I can be the sky.

Poem · Poetry

Immunity

December 30, 2017January 6, 2018 becomingandbeholding3 Comments

The dance of opening to

and closing from

is a daily task

of awareness and

choices.

One can be a sponge

who takes everything in –

a misdirected open heart who

ends up suffering

from too much taken on

or garbage thoughts that

end up taking residence.

Learning to filter kindly

what is being presented

while holding fast to what

is true and real

is the Work.

Absorbing the negative

is toxic.

So, keep your eyes open,

be compassionate,

honor who you know you are,

and turn your attention

to the big picture

of your divine identity.

In this way,

immunity is yours

and with that,

the ability to be

truly helpful.

Poem · Poetry

Christmas Present

December 23, 2017December 23, 2017 becomingandbeholding1 Comment

A new dawning

has been gifted this Christmas.

Beyond the ribbons and bows,

the lights and sparkle,

is a deeply hidden present.

It is wrapped in illumination

and sacred text and story.

Why is it hidden,

this beautiful gift?

It has been buried

by our own distraction

with the hustle and bustle,

the stress and need

to make Christmas special

by our own means –

as if we could control

the gift.

We miss the point.

We speed past the Truth.

We look away from the infant,

tiny and helpless –

completely dependent,

wrapped in Love.

Little baby Jesus was born

to show us the way –

how to Be.

There is no need to

control, construct, or solve

Christmas –

or life.

All is in place.

What we need is to be humble enough

to receive the goodness

God holds for each of us.

We are but infants.

Embracing this Humility with gratitude

is Christmas delivered –

and it is a miracle

when it is received.

Poem · Poetry

Rite of Passage

December 16, 2017 becomingandbeholding2 Comments

It arrives unexpectedly

that moment when deep disappointment hits you –

like a sucker punch to the stomach.

Suddenly, your world

makes no sense to you.

That someone you love

is not who you thought they were…

this hurts the most

when it is your parent –

because you thought your foundation

was there.

Life has begun to rattle you

in every direction.

A sadness starts to settle in –

reminding you of your

loss of innocence

when the truth about Santa Claus

was revealed –

only this time,

when the dream of your life

gets shattered,

it lasts much longer

than the life of the Christmas tree
and it cuts more deeply.

Don’t panic, young one.

Honor this new unsettled pain.

It means you are beginning to burst

through your cocoon.

Your limiting beliefs

no longer serve you.

Life is opening up

and you are being born.

Embrace your brokenness

and the softness and light

it will bring you.

You have entered your true work.

Poem · Poetry

Blank Page

December 11, 2017December 18, 2017 becomingandbeholding5 Comments

Facing a blank page

waiting for inspiration

is akin to the early morning hours –

when no one else is up,

not even the sun.

Its newness and freshness

has a daunting yet hopeful quality.

I simply love the mornings.

And now I am learning to love

the empty page.

Just like each day,

there are times

when I falter,

filling the white space with nonsense

and disappointing myself.

But when creativity shows up,

when I am engaged in the flow

of divine connection,

nothing else matters.

I have found Presence

once again.

If only each moment

could be like this!

And then I remember,

yes.

Each moment can.

I just need to stay awake

and get out of my own way.

Poem · Poetry

Winter Chill

December 10, 2017 becomingandbeholding2 Comments

As I crunch through

the remnants of the first snow fall,

careful to go slow

and not to slip –

As I feel the cold air

swallow me,

making me miserable inside –

the song of complaint

rises

raw and uncensored:

“I hate winter!”

Every ounce of my being

resists the cold.

Then a chuckle

rises within me

and passes over the

passionate resistance energy

consuming me.

I smile at my hubris

thinking I can resist weather

of all things.

And then I realize –

It is ALL weather.

Poem · Poetry

The Body Knows

December 10, 2017December 10, 2017 becomingandbeholding1 Comment

Oh, the tattletale that lives within

that whispers all my secrets!

I wear my thoughts and habits

visibly

and in the sea of tension

that seems at constant

high tide

filling up all my spaces

and flexing my muscles

long after their work is done.

Reversing this tide

and harnessing my inner moon

is a daily task

that calls –

like music calls to my heart,

or insight calls to my pen.

I have to ask myself:

What is this inner grip, this tension

really all about?

I have a magic tool

which will help me to know.

I stop. I breathe. I listen.

The body knows.

With amazing patience,

it waits for me.